My child is part of who I am, so today marks the first year of redefining how I see myself and my role in life. It's been intense, and I am making progress.
Josh's ashes have been with the little memorial in the corner of the living room. (Weird term, 'living room,' in the context.) It was not intentional that we would keep them this long. We had ideas about what to do with them, but today it seemed right that we should put them out to sea. He loved the sea, and the wild, and here the sea is wild. He first saw the sea just before his 2nd birthday, and he was so excited at how the waves washed up and down the beach. He loved swimming forever after.
So on this gorgeous sunny day, after a spell of rainy weather, we set them adrift in the Atlantic, from the rocks at Llandudno beach. It was hard - felt like another stage of letting go - and maybe that's why we had to wait a year. This picture shows where his ashes started their journey. Go well, Josh, wherever it takes you.
I can't imagine the intensity of emotions of such a day. I think of him, and of you two often. And I hope that some sort of peace and calm surrounds you.
I love the ocean and the sounds of the waves. Thanks for sharing your latest journey. I pray it is a step forward for you both. And now when I stand by the ocean and listen to the waves, I will have more pause for thought and someone else to listen for.
All my love,
Alden
Posted by: Alden wiliams | 18 May 2010 at 12:10 AM
love you both. love josh.
jeannette
Posted by: jeannette williams | 18 May 2010 at 07:03 PM
Oh Rory, I can't imagine all you are feeling, but I thank you for sharing some of your journey with us! After time, some people forget that you are still mourning and feeling the loss of Josh's life. Know that many of us are keeping you and Lorraine and Josh in our thoughts and prayers.
Sending you lots of love,
Erica
Posted by: Erica Tsujita | 18 May 2010 at 07:54 PM
You are often in my thoughts. What a beautiful spot. I can almost hear the sounds of the ocean and feel the sun and water splashing up. You have been very brave on your journey. Victoria
Posted by: Victoria | 20 May 2010 at 02:56 AM
Dearest Rory and Lorraine
You were very much in our hearts and minds on the 17th. We think of you often. Thank you for sharing and for the beautiful photograph. I wish you well and we will think of you whenever we go to Llandudno. I miss you both and feel so sad for your loss. May Joshua rest in peace.
with lots of love and strength
Daleen
Posted by: Daleen Totten | 21 June 2010 at 12:42 AM